My Thoughts

Leaving to East Malaysia for work now. Somehow, have a heavy heart.. Wondering what would happen once I come back to KL. Nowadays, work sucks.. really wanna change job. On top of that, have to settle stuff with my ex, we are still tied together in a way. Family… well.. loads of stuffs. Argh.. maybe I should just don’t care about everything and run away. Yeah right, why should I care so much right?

Will be back on the 5th, around 10pm. See you by then.

Leaving on a Jet Plane
By John Denver
All my bags are packed. I’m ready to go.
I’m standing here outside your door,
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.
But the dawn is breaking, it’s early morn.
The taxi’s waiting, he’s blowing his horn,
Already I’m so lonesome I could cry.

So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you’ll wait for me,
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again -
Oh Babe, I hate to go.

There’s been so many times I’ve let you down,
and so many times I’ve played around,
I tell you now, they don’t mean a thing.
Every place I go, I’ll think of you,
Every song I sing, I’ll sing for you,
When I come back, I’ll bring (wear) your wedding ring.

So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you’ll wait for me,
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again -
Oh Babe, I hate to go.

Now the time has come to leave you,
One more time let me kiss you,
Then close your eyes, and I’ll be on my way.
Dream about the days to come.
When I won’t have to leave alone,
About the times I won’t have to say …

Kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you’ll wait for me,
Hold me like you’ll never let me go.
Cause I’m leaving on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again -
Oh Babe, I hate to go.

It’s harder than I thought.. but managed to get thru it.. It’s not easy to let go of a person whom you fought so hard for.. and you worked so hard to maintain. When the time comes, heart change, you need to let go to see him/her happier.

Somehow. it doesn’t hurt as much as before. Am I cold hearted? Or my heart is just getting numb? The feeling of "there’s no turning back" sometimes still hurts me, but that’s the way it is right?

Anyway, it’s time to pursue my own happiness than to live to make others happy. Loving someone and being loved is a sweet memory that I will always remember.

Nelly Furtado - Try

All I know
Is everything is not as it’s sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I’m not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn’t seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I’m all I’ll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We’ll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that’s wonderful, and that’s life
And that’s you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

Honestly what will become of me
don’t like reality
It’s way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don’t see
Missed everything daydreaming

[Chorus:]
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I’ll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don’t cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could
Die die die die die

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Well the dogs were barking at a new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon
And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day ’til the feeling went away
And the sky was falling on the clouds were dropping and
the rain forgot how to bring salvation
the dogs were barking at the new moon
Whistling a new tune
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die.

Our lives ended here. It’s a new beginning for my life. It’s hard to accept that all the while I’m living for someone else instead of myself. Being slapped on the face by friends wake me up.. There’s no point holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you anymore. Move on, it’s easier said than done. Painful, hurtful, felt like you’re actually dying inside slowly..

What should I do from now onwards? Just go on with everyday life, nothing much changed.. the feeling of regrets and heartache will continue to follow until when? Only time will tell.

Stand up girl.

8th March 2007, we are friends now. Close friends. It’s better having each other than losing each other completely.